Page Updated: 10/20/2005
| Overheard something funny lately? Or scary? Or completely baffling? Please send it to me, and I will post it here for the enjoyment of many, many people. The only rule is that you have to have overheard it from a stranger in a public place. |
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"She got some big hands, man. And when she hits you with
them shits...it's over."
-Man, talking to buddy on payphone, East 20th Street, NYC
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"So what is it? You don't like older women? You don't like sleeping in anybody's bed but your own? Well, you know, it's been a while since I had a 25 year-old. Probably since I was 25. I'll just have to pretend you're older than that."
-Woman, to date
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“I got my wife on my case!”
Courtesy Joe M.
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“Did you know you can smell blood? I never knew that.”
Courtesy Joe M.
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"So I found somebody who'll tattoo my son..." 6/20/05
Courtesy Crsmal
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Lady on Escalator 1 to man asking her to move so he can
walk down the left side: "Take the stairs then, shit! Take the stairs
then!" Courtesy Valsmal
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Dude #1: Dude, you missed a crazy party last night.
2 dudes in the elevator at Chelsea Market
"I'm gonna cut your head off and boil it in the hot dog water."
-Crazy-ass Motherfletcher, repeatedly, to the world in
general
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I had a business lunch today at the Seaport Cafe (South
Street Seaport). My colleague was ordering a bottle of water from the
Waiter.
4/5/05
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"We're really into old school punk rock, like FROM THE NINETIES."
-19 year-old guitarist for up and coming Boston
hardcore/metal band, during interview with cW ***
"I don't know about you, but I think the black eye makes
her look even hotter."
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"Listen, you may be too stupid to understand what I'm about to say. And if so, I am truly sorry. I mean that."
Man, to dinner companion Blue Ribbon Bakery, NYC 3/20/05
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"Why would I give you money? You're just gonna go get drunk."
Man, citing oft-cited rationale for not giving money to panhandlers, to panhandler/self-appointed ATM doorman, 15th and 1st, NYC 3/18/05
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"See, that's where you're stupid, though. No offense."
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"The thing is, most of these guys are gay."
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"Just Used?!? That's a bald-faced lie!"
Man, to revolving subway door, after unsuccessful Metrocard attempt 14th Street and 8th Avenue 2.28.05
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Overheard in the Starbucks line at a rest stop on the Saturday before the Superbowl:
A forty-something man was talking with forty-something woman about their superbowl plans. (It seemed they had coincidentally run into each other at the rest stop. Or, that is where they came to get their Starbucks every morning.)
Man: I hear that one of the BEATLES is playing at half-time. Woman: Oh, really? Man: Yeah, one of the BEATLES. Right, Honey? (Honey comes over, nodding,) Man: Yeah, one of the BEATLES! -Courtesy valsmal
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"Where is that FUCKING sippy cup?! And she's got FUCKING apple juice all over her dress now! FUCK!"
Mother to another mother, Thursday afternoon toddler playgroup, Houston, TX 2.17.05 Courtesy MGBC
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"I'm sorry, but I just bought this Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits CD about three minutes ago, and when I opened it I realized it's all live versions. I don't want the live versions. Would it be possible for me to exchange it for another Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits?"
-20-something male customer, to cashier Border's Books, 32nd and 2nd 2/16/05
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'you're doing what mom does.'
-co-worker, talking to dad 2/10/05 Courtesy PBdotC
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In the men's room at a rest stop along the PA turnpike they have a vase with flowers by the sinks.
Man #1 washing his hands by the sink: "Jeesh, what a country. Do you think they expect women to come in here?" Man#2 just walking in: "You'd think so, it's hard to find real men anywhere anymore." Man#2 then proceeds to walk into the stall next to me, closes the door and starts taking a leak. When I leave my stall I notice that there is absolutely noone at the urinal bank. -Courtesy Crsmal
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"Your best attribute is hidden -- you hung like a horse, bitch!" Man to Friend Greenwich Avenue and West 12th Street 2/4/05 8:30pm
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"If you wanted this couch, you should have taken the Atlanta job." Woman to Significant Other Shopping at Crate & Barrel Madison and 59th, NYC 1/30/05
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Young female employee to middle aged, health conscious, financially well-off upper management guy:
“I so have something I am going to wear for you tomorrow……”
Baltimore Md. 10/28/04 Courtesy Chris B.
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Place - Newport PATH station Date - 8/22/04
Kid in powder blue Cardinals' jersey to other kid in frat letter shirt: "I was standing up with my hand on the ledge, you know, striking a pose while getting a bj and then....(making the knock on the door motion)...."Dinner is ready" my mom says as she opens the door... Then we had to go down and sit there for dinner with my parents..." Courtesy Chris H.
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"Heeding her doctor's warning of nothing bigger than 10 and 1/2, she did it and it tipped her uterus!"
-London, UK 8/14/04 Courtesy Collin S.
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Two women who are elevator acquaintances meet in the elevator. Woman #1: How ya doing? Woman #2: OK. I have a 6 foot 2 inch Dutchman coming in to visit me from London next week. Woman #1 (about to get off at her floor): OK. Have fun. Woman #2: Gotta keep trying, right? Elevator in apartment building on the Upper West Side 8/13/04 6:01 pm
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"Yo chief, you got any wine coolers?"
-Young tough guy who needs work on the "tough" part, to dirty deli employee Dirty Deli on 72nd and West End, NYC 8/6/04 12:22 am
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Guy to girl: "Sugar in the Raw rocks."
Girl: "Yeah."
-Courtesy VRF
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"I'll be praying for your salvation every day."
Memphis, TN 7/10/04 from a pretty 34yr old right wing christian courtesy Dipak P.
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10th street and Avenue B, 7/22/04 Courtesy Greg W.
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July 7, 8:30 AM: "Watch my back, I have to piss." Obviously drunk, mullet-laden toothless woman to meek little man as she was getting up from steps in front of building on 8th Ave between 31st and 32nd. She then promptly squatted in between two parked cars, one of which was a NYC police van. -Courtesy Val S.
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#1 Train -- A young woman was venting to her friend about her husband's recent infidelity and was getting increasingly upset as the conversation went on. An elderly woman sitting next to them interjected with the following:
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"It ain't nothing to get excited about, honey... They just get tired of the same old hole." NYC 7/2/04
-Courtesy Mark S.
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“Back in high school, I could throw a football a quarter of a mile."
-Windbag, walking out of Yankee stadium and bragging to girlfriend. SAID WITHOUT A DETECTABLE TONE OF HYPERBOLE.
-Bronx, NY 10:35 pm 6/30/04 Redacted 7/3/04: Said windbag was merely windbaggily quoting a fictional windbag from the movie "Napoleon Dynamite," so this entry has been stripped of snippet status.
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-Drunk Dude talking on cellphone, waiting on line outside bar, about to blow his last hundred bucks Boston, MA 11:00pm 6/26/04
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Woman and Man, early 30's, walking down Amsterdam Avenue behind the Beacon Theater, where Styx is performing at that very moment (9pmish, 6/23/04). Man sees all the equipment laid out on the street with the "Styx" logo on it. Conversation is as follows:
Man: Look, Styx. Woman: Huh? Man (gesturing impatiently towards equipment): STYX! Woman: Oh, STYX. Styx are cool.
*** “I’m going to assume that her mother is older than she is……”
-Employee to Manager, Someplace, USA 6/14/04 -Courtesy Chris B.
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"I like jerseys better than shirts...they last longer."
One young man wearing a jersey to three other young men wearing jerseys, 52nd btw 6th and 7th, NYC 6/14/04 -Courtesy Erin J.
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2 old ladies on on 1st avenue, June 5th, 2004:
1: "So, she was down there and got on on some show called "Girls Going Wild."
2: "What did she do on it?"
1: "She apparently went wild or something. Now they're suing." -Courtesy Ambrose R.
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He: "Stop barking orders at me!!!" She (angrily): "I'm not barking orders at you! I'm just telling you what to do!"
-conversation between man and wife, NYC, 6/4/04 Courtesy Mark S.
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"Hello? Hello. Yes? Yes. Byeee Byeee."
-Entire cell phone conversation - from dialing the number to hanging up - on the number 113 bus to oxford circus.
London, England 6/2/04 Courtesy Collin S.
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"$87,000 ... there was $87,000 in the mattress. The bitch was jumping up and down."
- one guy to another on 14th St., DC., 1 p.m., June 1, 2004.
Courtesy Pete B.
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"Why are you in the media making such a big deal over these soldiers shoving things up the asses of Iraqi prisoners? Isn't that what The Gays do in West Hollywood and San Francisco every day?" -Older woman calling in to radio station Los Angeles, CA 5/7/04 Courtesy Chris W.
*** "Yeah, but footwork ain't gonna get me what the fuck I need."
- Man to other man in front of Church on East 43rd Street, 9:45 AM, 3/30/04
Courtesy Dinny F.
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Woman: "You have a LOT of problems." -Corner of Second Avenue and 77th Street, 4/24/04 5:30 p.m. Courtesy Benge N.
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"Thank you, thank you ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the Penn Station of Inspiration".
-Subway musician welcoming his audience. 3/11/04 Courtesy Val S.
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"Is that Dennis Rodman?"
-writer covering the Grammys, upon seeing Bootsy Collins, Associated Press L.A. Bureau, 2/8/04
Courtesy Chris W.
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"Unnh, oooh, oh ohnnnn yeahh, uh ohhh yeah, ooooh, unhhh oooh yeah, oh, oh, oh, unnhm uhhhmm ohhn, uhnm ooh yeah."
Center urinal at the Count Basie Theater in Red Bank, NJ 2/14/04 Radiators Concert Courtesy Chris S.
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"Are you sure you're not gay?" -young woman to her male companion while leaving a bar, 10th Street and 1st Avenue, NYC, 12/18/03 -Courtesy Chris W. ***
"I haven't had any carbs in four days." -Guy to his friend, on line at a Chipotle Burrito fast food restaurant, Beverly Hills, California, 11/21/03 Courtesy Chris W.
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"My ass is sooo beautiful. My ass, it's beautiful. My ass is SOOO beautiful. Oh man, my ass, it's BEAUTIFUL." -stumbling, 6'5" African-American Transvestite, to self, while trying to light a cigarette East 11th Street, NYC 11/18/03 Courtesy Greg W.
*** He sings a song, a beautiful song, and everybody loves it. And then you put him back in the cage so he doesn't shit all over everything.
-Guy to other guy, Sosa Borella Restaurant, NYC July 29th, 2003
*** Girl 1: So what did you do? Girl 2: I actually shaved it once. Girl 1: Really?! Girl 2: Yeah, it looked really weird. Girl 1: Gross Girl 2: I'm not doing it again
-circa 1988 86th & Broadway, NYC
Courtesy VRF ***
I passed a man and a woman heading to dinner tonight, both dressed up, the man with a bottle of wine in his hand, and I heard the woman ask, "So, do I look anything like I did in the picture?", and the man respond, "Actually, no." -Date & Time Unknown
Courtesy VRF
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It's not the eggroll Larry, it's the last twenty years. -Overheard in a NYC Chinese restaurant, mid-90's. Courtesy Nick S.
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People, out of 100, 000, without cellphones: