| I have been a vegetarian on and off since I was about 7
years old, interrupted by a fairly consistent fifteen-year carnivorous
period from age 15 to 30. There are no health reasons for my
vegetarianism; meat just grosses me out. I remember being quite
proud of myself during my meat-eating days. I was especially
satisfied to know that if I was ever on a long road trip and there was
nowhere to stop but McDonald's, I could easily find something delicious
there. I hated whiners who frowned upon the Arches. To this day, hot
McDonald's fries rock my sense of what is good in the universe. But
since I stopped eating the meat, there is nothing there I can get to serve
as a nominal "main course." Enter the McVeggie. I had my first one tonight. I went to the McDonald's on 71st and Broadway, a half-block from the tiny apartment I lived in for about 6 months in 1995, an apartment that I was renting from my mother, an apartment that adjoined another apartment that she was renting to a psychopath who eventually threatened bodily harm upon her. Late at night, I could hear the sick fuck panting through an unlocked wooden door that connected the two apartments. He panted a lot. Anyway, this was one of those low-self-esteem periods in my life when I would eat McDonald's about three times a week. And that McDonald's was the scuzziest of them all. You went in there, you felt like apologizing to yourself on the way out. So the place has some unpleasant memories for me. And in the 8 years since I've eaten there, it has only gotten seedier. The floor was sticky tonight, I mean there were huge visible unmopped sticky spots all over the place. A pervasive mildew stench hung in the air. The surprising thing was that there was indeed a Fatty Arbuckle-looking guy cleaning up -- but he was wiping down the fake plants. I swear to you. If he had been on the Chernobyl clean-up team, the first thing he'd tackle would be restocking the vending machines. It was about 9:30pm, so there was only one register open, and the fries I ended up getting were cold and soggy. If I had to describe the atmosphere, I would say it was like an OTB with food. The sandwich itself was pretty gross, but actually not as bad as I feared. It had a nice burger-like brownness, and the texture was about right. The tomatoes and lettuce and stuff was nasty, but I think I would try it again at a cleaner McDonald's. So my verdict is that there is hope for me to visit Ray Kroc's paradise again in the future, but the timing has to be right. I will not venture to the pit on 71st street again. The McVeggie gets a 6 out of 10. The McDonald's on 71st and Broadway gets the Gas Face.
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