8/16/05: The Cavalry Arrives

So yesterday I pointed out, accurately I think, that my life right now, while immensely satisfying to me, is slightly less than blogworthy. That sentence had a comma like every three or four words. Hells yeah.

Every two months or so I go through what Joe Monkeyweb is calling a "blogocrisis," and every time I do you awesome bastards* respond. Yesterday was no exception. 

To my pleas for young blogging blood, I received these suggestions and offers:

PB (formerly) dot C suggests: "Maybe you should have Bungle Open Mic where people send you occasional bids for the main column."

We reply: Yes, a damn fine idea. Yes. Yes. From here on out, consider the daily blogspace on verbungle.com to be open ground for any ideas that run through your head. I don't care who you are, send 'em on in. Full posts, sentence fragments, Christmas lists, I simply do not give a fuck. Send 'em in. Unless I find them personally objectionable, I will post 'em. Some days they will be prefaced by a few comments from yours truly, other times they might stand alone. Love this idea Pete.

Crsmal adds: "For what its worth, I've always kind of viewed your site as a virtual open mic-- you're the host and the rest of us are guests. Remember back when you used to have us answer those questions? That might be fun now, especially with haloscan. You could probably go a few days in a row just by posting a question of the day. I'm sure you'd get a fair amount of submitted questions as well."

We reply: I'm glad you feel welcome here, Crsmal. Your contributions are always a hoot. As to your suggestion about the question of the day, we like it and we may go that route on slow days if we can think of a funny question. Joe Monkeyweb has been using that device successfully for awhile, and we don't want to bite his rhymes, so for now we'll just keep that idea in our back pocket. Thanks though.

EJ generously offers: "I'd volunteer to do a late-twenties female perspective if need be." 

We reply: Um, is there a catch? OF COURSE we'd like to see this. As often as you like, and you can send it in anonymously if it helps. Love this idea. Send that shit in as part of the Verbungle.com Open Mic Internet Trial (VOMIT).

Buck Young also has a proposal: "I am a young dude who hooks up at will, you should let me write a column for you. I've made videos of some of my conquests, which I would be willing to share. (No worries, you don't see her face, sort of like Quentin Tarantino not showing you the nasty action in Reservoir Dogs, but there is some screen time of my ass while 'my ax chops some wood.') Let me know Hans, I could be the missing link."

We reply: Buck, we are excited about this kind offer, and we would be delighted to read some tales of your youthful shagging. However, the videos (and even any graphic sex descriptions) may prove too explicit for our audience. We (might) have some impressionable young people who read the site, and frankly we want those young people to turn to more established sources for their daily porn fix. The offer is still appreciated and we welcome any R rated dispatches you might be able to send our way.  

We also got some immediate goddamn content, such as this fine and frightening review from Disco Dan Kois. And we also got a full friggin' post courtesy of The Artist** which will follow in a minute.

But before that, I just want to say thank you very much for always picking my shit up when my bag is sinkin' low. As for the proposed changes, this is how we're looking at things as of 2:37 am HST:

1. Guest bloggers as often as possible. Three, four, ten times a week. Sometimes with a short preamble from me, either related to the guest blogger's content or not. Our deal with the twenty-something blogger that we mentioned yesterday has fallen apart over money. He wanted some, we laughed in his face. Which is fine, I like the idea of a multitude of voices singing a multitude of tunes anyway. So now when you come here each day you have no idea what to expect. It's pretty much what I envisioned when I started this site two and a half years ago, and I'm delighted that I have talented and willing people ready to step in and make it happen. Speaking of which, cW, we're ready for another music column (and people, those empeetreys may be coming down soon, so get 'em while they last).
2. I will concentrate my efforts in three areas: administering the site, including whatever new content we receive, keeping the games and contests going, and getting the Trayline column up and running. I can tell you right now that the Trayline thing is gonna be good, real good. A slice of 1992 every day or two, presuming I don't fess. I will also be posting the occasional comment or rant on the main page as I see fit.
3. We'll still hit you with the premium content you've come to expect, as our schedule allows. We should have a new "Profile in Dignity" up this weekend,  and I hereby offer up the "PID" stage to anyone else who has a special someone they'd like to immortalize. As long as it's a regular person and not Jimmy Connors or something.

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Tough day at work today, that's all I'm saying. Some bad things happened.

Nobody got my deodorant yesterday, it was Tom's of Maine unscented.  Today, for 8 points, tell me whodey?***

***

Thanks again for your help, I love you all, and now on to today's guest post:

A Summer Excursion to Shores by Timberlands Untrodden

There are two kinds of people in this world: People who eat simply nuts and people who eat no nuts.

Lara and I took the ferry to Sandy Hook, NJ on Sunday. If ever there was a day to escape from the city, it was Sunday. It was the second weekend day of intolerable hotness. Moy shoogah vuz it chot. The whole day at the beach was just great. It wasn't too much of a pain in the ass to get to the ferry. Just walk west on Murray from the Chambers St. 2/3 subway stop until all you see is river. Then you ride the ferry under the Verrazano to the beach. There is a small dose of shitburger because you have to ride a bus to the beach, but you don't actually, and it's only a two minute bus ride anyway. So that was minor. My whole thing about getting to the beach from NYC for just a day trip is it's generally just not worth the effort. I feel like it would be a great day for 8-10 friends to spend together. Lots of neat stuff to see and many views that will trigger many excellent conversations, memories, laughs, Etc.

Like don't even talk to me about no LIRR to no Jones Beach.

But getting to Sandy Hook wasn't so bad. And the beach was clean, pretty, 20 degrees cooler than NYC, and relaxing. There were some crazies around but, as Lara said, "Everybody gets to come to the beach." By the evening things had thinned out and except for a couple of drunks nearby getting soused, we had the place to ourselves. Here is an excerpt from their conversation:

Steve: And then my jaw dropped -- Ding! -- like an anvil. And his jaw dropped -- Ding! -- like an anvil. And HER jaw dropped --- Ding! -- like an anvil. And Tiko's jaw dropped like an anvil --- Ding!

Betty: I'm going to tell you something, Steve. I don't take no shit from nobody. I ain't got time for it no more. You know? Fuck it.

Steve: Betty, you're changing the subject!

I recommend this highly as an excursion. And on the ferry ride home they sold coldies and Lara and I each drank the most delicious, icey cold Heineken evah with the wind whipping through our apres beach day hairdos. Then when we came ashore at the World Financial Center the skies opened and it downpoured with a fury not seen since the likes of the opening scenes of "Rashomon," which somebody suggested I watch. I can't remember who but jesus christ that movie was a stinker. I mean it was kind of neat and all as a period piece but as actual entertainment my lordsky.

I shouldn't complain about Rashomon though since it's been a good summer entertainment-wise. Four of my all-time favorite bands made records: Ween, Beck, Son Volt, and Clutch. Their records rate 30.0 / 28.9 / 27.5 and 30.0 on the VRS respectively. I was going to send in a review of Ween's new record today and then I got caught up in some other shit -- such as faxing the ferry company because they charged me twice for the ferry ride**** -- and then I thought I'd try and fold said review it into a comprehensive entry and see if Hans will print it. I know: Me objectively reviewing Ween is like George W. Bush being asked to, um, oh nevermind. Anway holy crap the new Ween record is great. It's as good or better than anything they've ever done. I'm enclosing an empeetrey that absolutely proves it.

This has been a very busy summer for Lara and I and sitting on the beach yesterday marked a culmination of sorts. I don't think I've been frazzled every second but it did feel like the first time in months that all we had to do was sit and relax. Very nice.

* I am borrowing the term "awesome bastard" from BA without his permission. I just like the way it sounds.
** My new abbreviation for the Artist Formerly known as PB dot C
*** Consider this short sequence a preview of what a future post may look like.
**** Post-excursion gas face to NY Waterway for the double billing.