7/27/05: A dip dip, a dip dip, a dip doby doby doby doby daba daba doby daba

I was wrong.

Upon further reflection and with the passing of enough time, I now realize I was wrong.

Wrong about a number of things.

I was wrong when I got a cubic zirconia stud in my left ear in 1988 (pictured, click on photo for larger view). And I was wrong in 1991 when I did it again.

I was wrong when I repeatedly insisted to anyone who'd listen that Bruce Springsteen was the only recording artist worth listening to.

A few years later, I can now sort of see that I might have been wrong to like Pearl Jam more than Nirvana. Most people would say I was.

I was wrong to resent the Yankees for cutting back on Steve Kemp's playing time in 1983 to make room for some skinny rookie.

I was wrong to support the Marbury trade.

I was wrong to buy a Wisconsin golf hat on my first day on campus in 1987.

I was wrong to buy tie-dye bikini briefs (!) in 1988. I was even wronger for buying them a size too small.

I was wrong to insult that bartender in Chicago a few years ago. That goes for all those I've insulted wrongly over the years. In fact, I'm gonna go ahead and say I was wrong that time when I insulted you.

I don't think I was wrong with my list of Dazed and Confused characters, but "Greg" seems fairly certain that I was.*

I was wrong to call Liev Schreiber "Gravyface" for no reason in the schoolyard in 8th grade. He was right to punch me for it.

I was technically wrong to throw that dude's shirt into the river at the company party a few years ago. But I'd probably do it again.

I was wrong to think "Fletch" was funny in 1985, even if I wasn't alone on that one.

I was wrong not to look for a real job right out of college.

And 11 and a half years later, I can confidently admit that I was wrong when I figured I would only stay at this job for six weeks, tops.

I was wrong to refuse to participate in my 5th grade graduating class's performance of "Ain't No Stopping Us Now." There are better times to take a stand, even for a ten year-old.

I was wrong to buy Bell Biv DeVoe's "Poison" album. And I'm wrong now for disavowing it.

I've been wrong on matters of taste, behavior, fashion, opinion, and manners.** I've been off-base in my predictions of things to come, and I've been wrong in my understanding of things that just happened.

My instincts have failed me repeatedly. 80 percent of the time, if I like something right off the bat, in the end I'll see how wrong I was for feeling that way.

I was wrong to throw a half-empty case of Old Milwaukee off a railroad bridge at some people who were heckling me from the river below, and I am grateful it didn't kill them.

The only comfort I can take in all this wrongness is that the period between me thinking something and me realizing I was wrong for thinking it is getting shorter.  I can now admit that I was wrong about "The Life Aquatic" (#48) even though I only saw it a few weeks ago.

The point I'm getting at is, I keep being wrong.

But Goddammit, I was right about The Spin Doctors. I nailed that shit from Day One.

***

Dear Microsoft Outlook Users,

I've been noticing that some of you have become fond of attaching a "delivery receipt request" to all of your emails. It works something like this: I'll get an email from a colleague, and when I attempt to open it I will get a little popup window that says, "Randy LeDoucheoise has requested a delivery receipt for this email. Would you like to acknowledge receiving it?" And then you have to click on "yes" or "no." I'm not sure what happens if you click on "no," I've never tried it because I assume it would lead to more popup windows that would in turn waste more of my time.  So I click "yes," which only wastes a few seconds of my time, and I guess with that click Randy gets a little notification that I indeed opened up his goddamn email.

Here's the thing. I would prefer if Randy and anyone else who uses this handy little feature give it a rest, immediately. You sent the email, you've got a copy in your "sent" items, your ass is covered. I can only assume that by enabling this function you hope to one day be able to bring me down by proving I got your stupid email and failed to act on it. So I am immediately insulted by the very idea of a receipt notification or whatever it's called. Fuck you.

But that's fine, you wanna play office hardball, go ahead and be a dick about it. What REEEEEEALLY bothers me is that you have this activated this feature on ALL your emails, not just the ones that need the other person to respond or take some sort of action. Today I sent somebody an email with some info he requested, and he sent a response. I tried to open the response, got the stupid little notification request popup, clicked "yes," and you know what his email said?

"Thanks"

That was it. I needed to acknowledge to him that I read that word.

Please allow me to lay out a quick guide for when it is appropriate to enable this spectacularly unnecessary Outlook feature. Here is an example of an email in which the sender would be perfectly within his or her rights for requesting an acknowledgment from the recipient saying, "Got it, pal."

There are plenty of other examples. In fact, I am considering adding a page to this site dedicated to "Emails for which a receipt acknowledgment thingie is justified." Feel free to send in an example. In the meantime, please use the above example as a basic guideline for when to attach the little thingie to your emails.

Thanks a lot, bro.

Hans Bungle

***

Whodat (18 points)?

* Every time I check, "Dazed and Confused Characters" is one of the Top 10 search phrases that led people to verbungle.com, just because of that dumb list.

** Yes, I know taste is personal and it's stupid to say anyone's taste is "wrong." But sometimes there is no room for debate. For example, the song "King of Wishful Thinking" sucks. You could prove it scientifically if you needed to. So if you like it, well, you're wrong.