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I was going to compile a list of "Things I Used to Do that I Would Never Do Now and That Indeed I Have Trouble Believing I Ever Did" or something like that. But then I got high. So let me list just one of 'em: when I was like 17-19, I used to slap guys in the ass while playing basketball. I had seen the pros do it on TV, I guess, and figured it was a new wrinkle I could add to my game. So for instance, if one of my friends made a great hustle play and scored a big basket, Whap! I would smack him hard right on the ass. Or if I felt that somebody needed a little extra encouragement after a bad turnover, Schmack! right in the ass. Saddest part: I think I may have even occasionally pulled this on complete strangers. I can't recall if anybody ever returned the favor and smacked my ass. Something tells me they didn't. ***
You know what might help lift my spirits? If one of my co-workers would be kind enough to smack me in the ass every once in a while. Note: if you actually work with me, feel free to ignore this advice. *** So the other day we posted the challenge of coming up with the best example of "There are two types of people: _____ and _____." We got 9 responses, but only five of them came before the deadline of 11:59 HST Tuesday night (those are in bold). Among the legal entries, the board has chosen Pete B.'s first submission (also the first on the list below) as the winner*. Pete also tacked on an insurance run with the one about missing the whodat cuz he was taking a leak. Nice work. Had we been able to accept those final four responses (and believe me, we were tempted to), the last two on the list would definitely have merited consideration. I mean, it doesn't get any truer than "There are two kinds of people: those who would fuck Yoda and those who wouldn't." Try to tell me that's wrong. You can't. You simply cannot. Are you still trying? Give it up already. There are two kinds of people in this world: the kind that
goes around saying 'there are two kinds of people in this world,' and the kind
that does not go around saying 'there are two kinds of people in this world.' *** I kind of like today's drunk picture for two reasons. One, Drunks in Suits are funny as hell (image courtesy PBdotC). And two, I think that may be one of the rare documented sightings of Giant Steve. I mean, look at the dude in the picture. His size seems limitless. He could be eight feet tall or he could merely be a shade over 6'8". He looks like someone who could determine his own height based on the needs of the situation. And he's also all bulky and weird looking. Jolly good. *** In 7th grade my English class read Oliver Twist, and I remember being fascinated when my teacher told us that the book was originally published in serial form. Every month, readers would be treated to the latest installment of the story, and indeed Dickens hadn't even written upcoming chapters ahead of time. He was writing as he was going, and that undoubtedly built up a huge level of exhilaration within his own head as well as anticipation in the public consciousness for each new installment. I remember Stephen King trying this a few years ago as well, but I don't remember if he ever finished it. Anyway, I have decided to take their lead with the publishing of the first ever Verbungle.com short story, tentatively entitled "A Kingdom Without Balls."** Of course I do not mean to imply in any way that my story will be as good as the novels of Dickens (and when I say Dickens I am referring to State Farm Mid-Atlantic Sales Rep Stan Dickens), but I like the idea of giving out a little at a time***. More accurately, I like the idea of writing it a little bit at a time. How could I manage more than that with all this shit waiting to be sacked? The good thing is that the outline for the story is in my head, and it's got a beginning, middle and end. Now I just need to see that shit through. Look for the first installment sometime in the next four to seven business days. *** I had a bad idea awhile back. It was to execute Texas death row inmates by having them ride the JFK motorcade route while snipers fired on them to test various assassination theories. After thinking it through, perhaps it's less than humane. *** Joe M. gets credit for the Rosey Grier answer, as MDilly responded a few minutes before noon HST, and that ain't legal. Today we have two challenges, and you may begin responding immediately. 1. For 11 points, Whodat? 2. For 8 points, tell us something embarrassing that you used to do that you would never do now and that Indeed you have trouble believing you ever did. They have to be real things that you actually did at least one time, and the points will go to the most heartbreaking and/or embarrassing. We will accept answers through 11:59 pm HST on Thursday night. Big Jim Lang is hard at work on a softball recap down in the verbungle.com sports department on the 5th floor. We should have it for you soon. * Judging these subjective challenges is problematic. We
realize this, but we like the responses they bring in, so we will continue them. |
I mentioned this the other day, and I'll mention it again
here. When you are putting in more than minimum effort at the day job, it gets
hard to come home and do the ol' blog job. I've been really busy at work, giving
it my best effort each day, and still when I am getting ready to come home at
day's end there are dozens of small piles of unsacked shit littering my cubicle.
It's just a very busy time right now and it leaves me tired as a one-legged
speed skater when I get home. Then I'll eat a cookie or do some kind of
stupid shit like that, and pass out on the couch in a puddle of drool. 