5/12/5: Professah Phlex 

Guys, I'm getting stupider. I don't say this to get you all worried. Because I know you worry. But I think something might actually be wrong with my brain. In the last few weeks, I've been doing a tremendous amount of dumb stuff.  Here's a partial list:

-Left the (gas) burner on for approximately three hours after making some pasta.
-Left my keys in the apartment door (twice).
-Constantly leaving drawers and cabinets open.
-Forgetting to put things away/clean up after myself.

I'm off. More than a little off. I think my mind is going bad, a process that may have started all the way back in 6th grade when Jerry Vargas submarined me in the I.S.70 courtyard and I landed on my skull. Only now it's starting to impact my ability to function normally as a human being.

Tonight, for a very recent example, I was doing laundry. Our laundry room closes at 11pm, but you can sort of let your last load finish drying around 11:15 or maybe even a little later if you need to.  They turn out the lights but the machines still work and you can let yourself in with your key. Pushing it past 11:30 would be pretty rude, though, because there are people who live right above the laundry room and the spinning dryer sounds may disturb them.  I don't know for sure.

Anyway, I was running a bit late tonight and my loads weren't scheduled to go into the dryer until around 10:35.  The dryer cycle takes 50 minutes, so I was already maxing out my grace period if I wanted to let it dry all the way through. When I got to the laundry room at 10:34 to transfer my clothes from washer to dryer, I found myself wondering what I had done with my Bounce fabric softener.  As I unloaded the second washer, I found my answer: I had accidentally put the entire box of Bounce in the washer before running my load. That's maybe twenty sheets of fabric softener and a cardboard box. All twenty sheets were floating around in there, and the box had disintegrated and attached itself in hundreds of small brown bits to every item in the machine.

For five genius points, how did I choose to deal with this problem? Answers at noon HST please.

No luck on the first whodat.  That's my luggage, I made it a little too tough considering it was the first one we tried. I have faith in the concept, though, so let's try another. Whodat, or more accurately, whodey? Fifteen points, answers at noon HST.

I think Dick Bavetta may have been my gym teacher at some point.

I've given this a lot of thought over the years*, and up until now I couldn't come up with a clear-cut answer. Excluding politicians, serial killers, molesters, and people I know personally, who is earth's most loathsome person? Well, I feel like I can finally rest easy, because we have reached a verdict after all that mulling. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present Verbungle.com's inaugural Most Loathsome Human Award to the wholly despicable, scientifically unexplainable Fred Durst (don't click this, it's the official Limp Bizkit site complete with annoying flash and horrible Limp Bizkit music).  I don't know how he does it, year after year, but when it comes to loathsomeness, nobody can touch this joker.

Good luck to Dave Chappelle with whatever he's going through. May we all be quoting him annoyingly in the near future.

* I have come full circle on Bill Maher. I hated "Politically Incorrect" and I always found him to be a smug little toad. But I fucking love his HBO show and I think he's one of the quickest wits in the business. He should probably be removed from the "Terrible Human Beings" list, and he would be, except that I expect that he is indeed a terrible human being.