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11/30/05: Failure

Here's an example of setting yourself up for failure. At 1:52am last night, one day into what will be a busy and important week at work,  I decided to set up a Blogger account, in anticipation of one day getting a Mac and abandoning this lame Microsoft web publishing program and the entire world it represents. It's the same sort of fantasy-living that people do when they play the lottery, I guess. Picking out cars and houses and whatnot. Anyway, should my Macintosh dream ever come true, I want to continue to host my own site, but I would like to use some free web-based software that allows me to publish from anywhere at any time on any platform. So my idea was that I would use the Blogger software for those future posts, and then link from my new Blogger-spawned home page to all of these dead old pages that I built with Frontpage.  But figuring stuff like that out takes some time and ingenuity.  I had neither last night. But at least I have registered www.verbungle.blogspot.com (turns out I actually registered a year ago!).

I will say this: that Blogger software is easy as shit to use! Holy smokes! I dunno if it's as good as movable type or any of the other ones, maybe it's too restrictive in terms of layout. I theoretically care about aesthetics and design and all that shit, but as you can see from this bad boy** it's not my strong suit. To me the blog itself, including any and all tricked-out design features, is primarily a canvas for you to deliver your powerful artistic vision, your content, your message to the world, your hack-ass trivia games. Whatever the case, I've been living in the dark ages here, manually and badly doing what any of these other programs will do automatically and well.  I may make the transition prior to my Mac purchase in 2009.

The only drawback might be that having such ease of postage could one day tempt me to post from work, something I'm proud to say I've never done.

At the same moment as I started my blog investigation, I decided to open up my dead laptop and remove the hard drive. I don't know why I did this.  Was it morbid curiosity, some sort of computer autopsy? Or was I actually looking to problem-solve? I suppose I could replace the hard drive fairly cheaply (around $100) and then the old beast might possibly start up again, I don't know. Do I even want that? That computer's been nothing but trouble for me. I'd rather not spend one more red cent* on it, especially if its return to life means I never get the Mac that I crave. Maybe I wanted to pull out the hard drive with the hopes that I could recover the data on it. Maybe I wanted to smash it all with a heavy-bottomed skillet. I don't know. But 1:52 am on a school night is not the time to start projects of any kind, let alone two at once.

I didn't get far on either and I managed to tire my ass out as well. But I have still been trying extra hard at work. That's two days and counting of the new commitment.

***

Big Jim could not find the original "Crack, Whisky, Whore" -- it's ether dust at this point. But he was able to locate a later, shorter, and admittedly less inspired pass at the same project. It starts at the bottom and goes up, but it doesn't really matter. You might not like it but it won't cost you any money to read it. Also funny to note how the time stamps are all screwy.

>>> Big Jim Lang 10/05/98 04:46pm >>>

an interoffice memo, Schrank's Vodka, tearful reminiscences about crack, whiskey, and whores

>>> Big Jim Lang 04/08/98 04:34pm >>>

a way-too-tight condom, bleached pubic hair, (female co-worker whose name has been removed)

>>> Hans Bungle 04/08/98 03:42pm >>>

crack, whiskey, donkey

>>> Big Jim Lang 04/08/98 03:36pm >>>

inhibitions, alcohol, hangovers

>>> Hans Bungle 04/08/98 03:26pm >>>

a stopwatch, a premature ejaculator, a very poor excuse

>>> Big Jim Lang 04/08/98 03:06pm >>>

good intentions, a lot of money, a childhood ruined in one night

>>> Hans Bungle 04/08/98 02:37pm >>>

cotton candy, clown makeup, a fungo bat

>>> Big Jim Lang 04/08/98 01:05pm >>>

the 1986 Sports Illustrated NBA preview issue, a pound of chocolate, an inexplicible erection

>>> Hans Bungle 04/08/98 12:31pm >>>

Ben Gay, a guy named Ben Gay, an unfortunate misunderstanding

>>> Big Jim Lang 04/08/98 12:05pm >>>

1 night in Vegas, a precocious 16yr old, an early-morning flight

>>> Hans Bungle 04/08/98 12:01pm >>>

a shaved poodle, kiwi black, a guilty smirk

>>> Big Jim Lang 04/08/98 11:51am >>>

A 74lb. turkey, a commercial oven, a nude (different female co-worker whose name has been removed)

>>> Hans Bungle 04/08/98 10:26am >>>

A kaiser roll, unidentified spreadable lunchmeat, The Tommy Lee Video

>>> Big Jim Lang 04/07/98 05:32pm >>>

(anonymous aging co-worker)'s missing lung, an outfit of (anonymous annoying co-worker)'s, (anonymous annoying co-worker)'s personality

>>> Hans Bungle 04/07/98 05:08pm >>>

The key to the greenroom, a bootleg copy of Austin Powers, Almay Foundation

>>> Big Jim Lang 04/07/98 04:57pm >>>

a lefty catchers mitt, synthetic motor oil, a condom

>>> Hans Bungle 04/07/98 02:07pm >>>

A hockey stick, Dan Cortese, a pacifier

>>> Big Jim Lang 04/07/98 02:55pm >>>

a case of priapism, a bottle of No-Doz, a lot of time

>>> Hans Bungle 04/07/98 01:53pm >>>

Dynamite magazine, a watchamacallit bar, 4 degrees of separation

>>> Big Jim Lang 04/07/98 02:48pm >>>

push-ups, party favors, sexually aggressive retarded people

>>> Hans Bungle 04/07/98 01:42pm >>>

Fish sticks, tweezers, a lemon-lime popsicle

>>> Big Jim Lang 04/07/98 02:13pm >>>

a phone book, vegetable oil, an impromptu vagina

>>> Hans Bungle 04/07/98 12:36pm >>>

Mud, gay porn, adrenaline

>>> Big Jim Lang 04/07/98 01:28pm >>>

an anus, anal sex, (dude with funny last name whose name has been removed)

>>> Hans Bungle 04/07/98 11:01am >>>

A puddle, bumble bee tuna, two scraped knees

>>> Big Jim Lang 04/07/98 11:54am >>>

Crack, Whisky, Whore?

***

So I have a new and totally annoying challenge all set to go. I will post the lyrics to a song, ONE WORD per day, until someone can name the song. It's sort of a combination of lyric stumpah and name that tune. No googling please.  For ten points, here is the first example (note that this particular song actually starts with the chorus, but that would make it too obvious so I am starting with the first verse):

Well

That's it. I predict somebody gets it tomorrow with the introduction of word 2.

* Is the term "red cent" racist? Does it refer to a time when pennies had Indians on them? Or is it just a reference to the color of the copper? Did they used to be more red?
** Unironic use of the term "bad boy" is discouraged by verbungle.com.