11/24/04: No more talking about you-know-who

OK, I promise this time.  I'm done talking about Artust and Artest and John Green and everybody else involved in Friday's brawl. I apologize to those I may have offended, and I am thankful we all have time to discuss such unimportant issues at such great length. Now it's time to let go.  Did I mention I still love you?

Anyway, I'm done, so if you still want to tee off on me, now's your chance.

I was lucky enough to attend tonight's NBA contest at Madison Square Garden. The game featured two of the league's up and coming teams, The New York Knicks and The Atlanta Hawks.  Thanks much to Dipak for the invite. The seats were great, possibly the closest I've ever been to game action.  It allowed me to make some of the following observations:

1. As skanky as you think Paris Hilton may be from seeing her on TV and in magazines, you need to multiply that by five to comprehend just how skanky she is in person.  She sat courtside near Ethan Hawke (I should have cock-punched him, I know) and Luke Wilson. Both Hawke and Wilson tried to put as much distance between her and them as possible, lest anyone think they were together.  They both looked nervous every time she leaned over and tried to talk to them. To her credit, she stayed through the final buzzer.  To her discredit, she spent the entire game on her Sidekick, looking at the court about once every 20 minutes.
2. Kevin Willis can still fill out a suit like nobody's business.  That guy is an impressive-looking human.
3. This guy Brewer the Knicks just picked up has some insane hops. He ain't much bigger than Marbury, and he had a monster flush in the layup line that raised some eyebrows.  Then he caught another huge one in the game.  Fun to have a crazy leaper to come off the bench in garbage time.  He sprained his ankle on the dunk, and I think his reckless style is going to make him injury-prone. He kind of reminds me of this guy Eddie I play ball with -- a total thoroughbred, but an ankle or a knee seems to be exploding every month. Poor guys.
4. The Hawks are a lifeless bunch.  Antoine is just putting up his numbers, the same goes for Al Harrington, who can really score.  Jon Barry is just about out of gas.
5. In person, Marbury's speed is just unbelievable.  I think he's about 25% quicker than everybody else on the court. He's so quick, you can anticipate his crossover and get in position, and he'll still whip by when he wants (which sort of makes me wonder why he doesn't do it more often). I can't imagine trying to guard him when he's mad (luckily, I probably won't have to). He played a beautiful game tonight, spreading the ball around before looking for his shot in the 3rd.
6. Dominique Wilkins broadcasts for the Hawks.  He still looks pretty good.
7. This is Lenny Wilkens' coaching style: call out to Stephon, tell him something gently, watch the team play.  When they screw up, walk back to the bench and explain to the reserves how the guys on the court just screwed up.  Lenny's looking old, and I can't imagine it's comfortable coaching for Isiah.  I predict Mark Aguirre takes over the team by next season at the latest.  Aguirre really seems to be on the ball, and the players totally listen to him and relate.  I always hated him as a player, but I have come to respect him.  I like Lenny, too, but I think he's in a no-win situation.
8. I won't make a joke out of this, but Walker got into it a little bit with Jerome Williams in the 4th quarter.  He shoved Williams away, getting a T in the process, and then I swear to you Walker jumped up and sat on the scorer's table to pout. Write your own punchlines.
9. Kenny Anderson needs a Permanent Red Card.  He's not yet a complete embarrassment, but it's just so sad to see him out there, bringing the ball up and lobbing it into the post. He was a special player, one of those guys who you couldn't take your eyes off.  Same goes for Penny.  Two guys who used to take your breath away and are now about as exciting as Trent Tucker and Rory Sparrow. 
10. Josh Childress showed some real nice athleticism, but his jumper is as broke as can be.  Just ugly and mechanical, about as fluid as Darrell Walker's. I remember him being a decent shooter in college, what happened? That seems to happen to a lot of guys. Still, I wouldn't write him off yet.
11. Vin Baker still exists.
12. Security was a joke; just the same old ornery ushers who've been there since 1974.  Were a fight to break out, it would get just as ugly as Detroit.
13. I thought by observing a game in person I might better be able to figure out what exactly is wrong with it. The only thing I really noticed is how few fast breaks there are compared to 20 years ago.  I can't figure out why, though.  Are teams not pushing the ball upcourt or are defenses just way more conscientious about getting back on D? I miss you, golden age of hoops. I don't think we have any choice at this point but to resort to Peteyball.  It gives us a fighting chance.
14. The game looked much easier to ref than it does on TV.  Those guys have it pretty well under control.

Not much to report, as of 3am you haven't solved IMAGE #16.  Keep working on that, and at noon you can start in on IMAGE #17 as well. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all.  Eat, drink, and reminisce. Kiss your cousin on the lips. Smoke a broken pencil. Come out to your entire family at the Thanksgiving table. Watch football and savor its sensible, institutionalized violence. And save an extra yam for me.