11.8.5

Here's to Deion, who not only finished the Marathon on Sunday, but also solidly whipped his DC doppelganger.

The official results:

Deion Sandals 36M NY USA Average Mile: 8:38 Finish Time: 3:49:03
Deion Sandals 34M DC USA Average Mile: 10:12 Finish Time: 4:29:45

From what the experts are saying, it wasn't even that close.

The wife and I tried to catch up with him at 101st street and 5th Avenue (mile 22). I think we missed him by about 7 minutes. Here are some free verbungle.com marathon-watching tips. If you're trying to cheer on a marathon runner, please observe as many of them as you can (we observed none):

1) Show up at the spot where you intend to do the cheering at least thirty (30) minutes before the runner you're cheering could possibly get to that spot.
2) Find out what the runner is wearing, because when you arrive at the spot, you will notice there are a lot of other people running around with numbers on their chests.
3) Take with you the cellphone number of anybody you might need to call for an update on the runner's progress (like, say, the runner's spouse). This will help you pinpoint the runner, and it will also allow you to move to a new cheering location if necessary.
4) Do all of this at least one day prior to the marathon.

So we screwed up all of that...but at least we got one thing right:

5) If a dude runs by dressed up as Wonder Woman, run and catch up to him so you can snap his picture.

One thing I noticed: approximately 50% of marathon runners become marathon walkers by mile 22. That shit does not look fun at all. Except for drinking down all that free Gatorade.

***

Did you happen to see Vince Carter's dunk on Alonzo Mourning? Oh my Grace Jones. That was nashty. That's right, it warrants the "h" in "nashty". Screw it. I'm going full-on naschty for this one.

***

I know the genius challenges have been a little bit self-indulgent and random lately, so we're gonna mix it up in a minute. But first let's do a little housekeeping.

1) BA's Halloween spread -- Rolo, Reese's, Reese's white chocolate, Twix, Skittles, York Peppermint Patty, Snickers, M&Mazing, traditional Hershey's, Junior Mints, 3 Musketeers to name a few -- definitely trumps mine. Nice work. Next year see if you can fold in a few KitKats and you'll really be rolling with the big boys.

2) In Flexdat, Joe wins with his guess of $2000. Actual amount is $2500, meaning that together the wife and I have set aside over 8 grand for 2006 medical expenses. Seems like a lot, but you got the baby, and then you got various other standard medical costs, and I am also anticipating some serious dental work because my dentist seems to have f'd up a filling and now it may be root canal time. If we happen to have like 5 grand left over, maybe I'll get the Lasik surgery. In one eye.

3) Nobody got any of the answers for Magazinedat. The correct answers were:

a) Slam Magazine - a basketball magazine targeted at suburban white youths who dream of being urban streetball legends. I read it almost every month. I can't help myself.
b) Uncut Magazine - a poor man's MOJO.
c) Us Magazine - the grandaddy of celebrity gawkfests. I got it for the, er, wife. Yeah.
d) In Touch Magazine - a $1.99 version of Us.

Before you get all, "I can't believe you read crap like Us Magazine," let me remind you of one thing:

Celebrities are better than regular folk. Better than you, better than me. Way better. Don't forget this.

Need an example? I'll give you two.

Example #1:

You're playing 4 on 4 touch football on a crisp Autumn afternoon. Your team is down, 6 scores to 1 in a game to 7. You are playing quarterback. You drop back to pass, scanning the field for an open receiver. The defense is just too tight, nobody can break free. The designated lineman gets to 7 Mississippis and starts rushing your ass. You make a couple of nifty evasive moves that buy you just enough time to spot your good pal Tommy break open down the right sideline. Just as the pass rusher lunges to tag you, you unleash a beautiful 40-yard spiral to Tommy for the score. Sure, you go on to lose, 7 scores to 2, but this is definitely a strong moment and it makes you feel all warm inside for a good two and a half minutes, and then for another four minutes when you remember it on the subway ride home. In terms of fun, probably a 76 on a scale of 1-100.

Now let's imagine this scenario:

You're playing 4 on 4 touch football on a crisp Autumn afternoon. Your team is down, 6 scores to 1 in a game to 7. You are playing quarterback. You drop back to pass, scanning the field for an open receiver. The defense is just too tight, nobody can break free. The designated lineman gets to 7 Mississippis and starts rushing your ass. You make a couple of nifty evasive moves that buy you just enough time to spot your good pal Brad Pitt break open down the right sideline. Just as the pass rusher lunges to tag you, you unleash a beautiful 40-yard spiral to Brad Pitt for the score. Sure, you go on to lose, 7 scores to 2, but this is definitely a strong moment. After the game, Brad Pitt asks you if you want to grab a beer at a trendy hotspot. You say yes. When you arrive (by limo) at the trendy hotspot, you meet up with three or four beautiful women who want to sleep with Brad Pitt but will settle for giving you their phone number. You are easily able to convince yourself that they really like you for you, and not just as a means to get close to Brad Pitt. You go to bed with a huge smile on your face. Fun Quotient: approximately 97.25.

Example #2:

You are throwing a party that gets a little out of control. You find yourself locked in a particularly heated game of Buzz with a few of your friends, and the night kind of slips away from you. Around 1 am, you realize you haven't seen your girlfriend in a couple of hours. You start stumbling around the apartment looking for her, but you can't find her and nobody seems to know where she is. You give up and trudge off to your room to go to sleep. When you open your bedroom door, you are shocked to discover your good buddy Tommy, giving it to your lady in a position that you never even thought of before and you feel certain she'd never have let you try even if you had thought of it. Recoiling, you close the door and slink back to the living room, where you eventually pass out on the couch and end up choking to death on your own vomit. Fun Quotient: 14 (because the game of Buzz was probably pretty fun).

Celebrity Version:

You are throwing a party that gets a little out of control. You find yourself locked in a particularly heated game of Buzz with a few of your friends (George Clooney, Al Michaels, R. Kelly), and the night kind of slips away from you. Around 1 am, you realize you haven't seen your girlfriend (the model you met after the football game) in a couple of hours. You start stumbling around the apartment looking for her, but you can't find her and nobody seems to know where she is. You give up and trudge off to your room to go to sleep. When you open your bedroom door, you are shocked to discover your good buddy Brad Pitt, giving it to your lady in a position that you never even thought of before and you feel certain she'd never have let you try even if you had thought of it. Recoiling, you close the door and slink back to the living room, where you grab a beer and collapse into the couch to sort things out. Before you even have time to begin wallowing, a revenge-minded Angelina Jolie plops herself down next to you and asks if you'd mind walking her home. Fun Quotient: 74.

That's why I read Us Magazine.

***

In order to decrease overall site lameness, , we're going back to that old favorite, the Google Image Search Game, for today's challenge. For seventeen points, which search brought up this image (within the first three pages of results)?

Sorry we haven't updated any of the non-blog parts of the site in a while. Maybe soon we'll have a new Trayline.