jack don't know jack
I should have known better.
After all the horseshit that's come out of my mouth in bars over the years, I should have known not to trust that old drunk Jack in the bar the other night.
His trivia question: who was playing RF for the Yankees when George Brett hit the infamous pine tar homer?
My answer: Don Mattingly (a guess)
Jack shook my hand and said nice job, nobody ever got that one before. I beamed. And I stupidly posted his question as a challenge for you fine people.
Only problem is, Jack was full of shit. Mattingly didn't play RF in that game, according to the box score. He pinch hit, played first base, and, in a sarcastic gesture from Billy Martin, played second base in the second part of the game that the Yankees were forced to play a month later when the AL upheld the Royals' protest. He did play RF in the game just prior to this one.
So who was playing RF? Well, both Piniella and Kemp played RF that day -- Kemp started in left but moved to right at some point. As to who was there when the ball went out, well let's just do a quick youtube search and we'll dig this up...uh, hold on...what's that? you say the video has been removed from youtube after a judge cited it in his ruling and the attention this brought got the video taken down...? Shit. Internet masters, we need you to dig this up. Genius points are at stake.
(Edit: A closer look at that box score indicates that the Yankees brought in Jerry Mumphrey as a defensive replacement to start the top of the 9th, with Winfield moving to left and Kemp moving to right. So 12 genius points go to B. New, he was the first to guess Kemp. Strange that the real answer turns out to be my favorite player at the time, and I didn't guess him. Also, note that Mumphrey was due to bat in the second half of the game but he'd already been traded to the Cubs...why didn't they fly him in?)
I should have known Jack was full of crap -- he also said he was at the second part of the game. I said, wow, that was crazy, only a couple thousand people showed up, it only lasted a few minutes, right? Jack said, no, it was game 1 of a doubleheader so we all stayed.
I knew that was wrong. I knew there was no other game scheduled that day because Graig Nettles talked about in his book. That was the Yankees' only scheduled day off for like a month, and when the league told the team they'd have to play the final 4 outs on that day, the players took a vote and (unanimously) decided not to play. They would rather have forfeited the game, in the middle of a pennant race, than show up and try to scratch across a run. Somebody (Steinbrenner?) stepped in and said, Get your asses to that stadium, so they ended up playing. Although Martin made a farce of it, God Bless him.
Here is some more cool shit about that game.
I took my pop in for a couple of doctor's visits in Manhattan the other day. He's in a wheelchair now so we booked a car service to take us from his Brooklyn apartment into the city. On the way back, we decided to take a cab to save time. We were standing there hailing away, me on foot, him in the chair, 85 degrees outside, for like 15 minutes. In that time, THREE open cabs just drove right past us, pretending not to see us. They clearly didn't want to deal with the wheelchair, which is actually a snap to fold up and put in the trunk.
To those cab drivers, I say:
I know your job sucks. Low pay, danger, bad hours, unhealthy working conditions, stress, aggravation, etc. I am sorry for this. I salute you for working so hard and so thanklessly, all so that your kids may have a better life than you did. I thank you for not becoming muggers or drug dealers instead.
But...when you refuse to pick up an 80 year-old man in a wheelchair on a hot summer day, well, that entitles me to say go fuck yourself. That entitles me to say, here's to you being treated like shit when you are one day old and sick yourselves. May cabs drive by and spray gutter sludge in your faces. And at that moment, may you remember what douchebags you were when you were young.
We finally got home to his apartment and I was taking a leak when I noticed a big ol' fly buzzing around the bathroom. I was thinking, "You know, I should really get rid of that shit-eating, germ-carrying fly. But I am so tired I don't have the energy to chase it around."
Plus, the pussified vegetarian in me does have a problem (only a slight one) killing insects. I do it all the time, but I admit I somehow feel cosmically accountable for it. After all, the fly is just minding his business, sharing the earth with me and you and our friends.
I just kept pissing and pondering what to do, when suddenly the fly flew directly into my urine stream and was sprayed right down into the toilet. Poor little bastard was probably in deep shock. He started trying to swim his way out, the little fighter, but I quickly flushed his ass out to sea.
What does this mean (25 points)?
In other news, my monthstache seems to be growing on me.
After all the horseshit that's come out of my mouth in bars over the years, I should have known not to trust that old drunk Jack in the bar the other night.
His trivia question: who was playing RF for the Yankees when George Brett hit the infamous pine tar homer?
My answer: Don Mattingly (a guess)
Jack shook my hand and said nice job, nobody ever got that one before. I beamed. And I stupidly posted his question as a challenge for you fine people.
Only problem is, Jack was full of shit. Mattingly didn't play RF in that game, according to the box score. He pinch hit, played first base, and, in a sarcastic gesture from Billy Martin, played second base in the second part of the game that the Yankees were forced to play a month later when the AL upheld the Royals' protest. He did play RF in the game just prior to this one.
So who was playing RF? Well, both Piniella and Kemp played RF that day -- Kemp started in left but moved to right at some point. As to who was there when the ball went out, well let's just do a quick youtube search and we'll dig this up...uh, hold on...what's that? you say the video has been removed from youtube after a judge cited it in his ruling and the attention this brought got the video taken down...? Shit. Internet masters, we need you to dig this up. Genius points are at stake.
(Edit: A closer look at that box score indicates that the Yankees brought in Jerry Mumphrey as a defensive replacement to start the top of the 9th, with Winfield moving to left and Kemp moving to right. So 12 genius points go to B. New, he was the first to guess Kemp. Strange that the real answer turns out to be my favorite player at the time, and I didn't guess him. Also, note that Mumphrey was due to bat in the second half of the game but he'd already been traded to the Cubs...why didn't they fly him in?)
I should have known Jack was full of crap -- he also said he was at the second part of the game. I said, wow, that was crazy, only a couple thousand people showed up, it only lasted a few minutes, right? Jack said, no, it was game 1 of a doubleheader so we all stayed.
I knew that was wrong. I knew there was no other game scheduled that day because Graig Nettles talked about in his book. That was the Yankees' only scheduled day off for like a month, and when the league told the team they'd have to play the final 4 outs on that day, the players took a vote and (unanimously) decided not to play. They would rather have forfeited the game, in the middle of a pennant race, than show up and try to scratch across a run. Somebody (Steinbrenner?) stepped in and said, Get your asses to that stadium, so they ended up playing. Although Martin made a farce of it, God Bless him.
Here is some more cool shit about that game.
***
I took my pop in for a couple of doctor's visits in Manhattan the other day. He's in a wheelchair now so we booked a car service to take us from his Brooklyn apartment into the city. On the way back, we decided to take a cab to save time. We were standing there hailing away, me on foot, him in the chair, 85 degrees outside, for like 15 minutes. In that time, THREE open cabs just drove right past us, pretending not to see us. They clearly didn't want to deal with the wheelchair, which is actually a snap to fold up and put in the trunk.
To those cab drivers, I say:
I know your job sucks. Low pay, danger, bad hours, unhealthy working conditions, stress, aggravation, etc. I am sorry for this. I salute you for working so hard and so thanklessly, all so that your kids may have a better life than you did. I thank you for not becoming muggers or drug dealers instead.
But...when you refuse to pick up an 80 year-old man in a wheelchair on a hot summer day, well, that entitles me to say go fuck yourself. That entitles me to say, here's to you being treated like shit when you are one day old and sick yourselves. May cabs drive by and spray gutter sludge in your faces. And at that moment, may you remember what douchebags you were when you were young.
We finally got home to his apartment and I was taking a leak when I noticed a big ol' fly buzzing around the bathroom. I was thinking, "You know, I should really get rid of that shit-eating, germ-carrying fly. But I am so tired I don't have the energy to chase it around."
Plus, the pussified vegetarian in me does have a problem (only a slight one) killing insects. I do it all the time, but I admit I somehow feel cosmically accountable for it. After all, the fly is just minding his business, sharing the earth with me and you and our friends.
I just kept pissing and pondering what to do, when suddenly the fly flew directly into my urine stream and was sprayed right down into the toilet. Poor little bastard was probably in deep shock. He started trying to swim his way out, the little fighter, but I quickly flushed his ass out to sea.
What does this mean (25 points)?
In other news, my monthstache seems to be growing on me.
posted by hans q. bungle at 23:47
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