40 and change

Damn, I'm 40. As of like an hour ago. Quick, here's a live look at me in my 40's:

So far, here's what I've accomplished since I turned 40:

-hauled a bag of laundry upstairs
-watched the open from James at 15 on youtube
-drank a Brooklyner Weisse
-ate a granola bar
-started a blogpost, including a link to this bit of awesomeness
-mulled some shit over

So as you can see my 40's look to be pretty busy and productive, especially compared to the rest of my life. It's an exciting time for me.

Today I got in a conversation with a dude at work who is 6'5" and used to be able to dunk a basketball but no longer can. We are considering a Buddy Project where he will train to regain his dunking ability and I will train with the goal of regaining my ability to dunk a tennis ball. I think I am about 5 inches and 35 pounds away. Probably won't happen, especially as we recently purchased this year's bottle of office sippin' whisky. It's called "The Irishman" -- maybe you know the brand. We're already having fun with that name, and we are officially considering The Irishman a new member of our team. As in, "Who forgot to send in the XJ9 reports?" "Not me...must have been The Irishman."

Well, my 40's don't look to be as bad as I might have feared when I was 20. My life seems to be moving in a good direction. I'm happy. I've got a great kid and a spectacular wife. I have office sippin' whisky. I have a cool cell phone that takes movies. The Yankees are in first place and Derek Jeter has still not been tied to PED's. I walk without a limp. I have stopped eating candy and drinking soda. I have the same friends I've always had and I like them all. I am going to Lambeau Field in October. I am caught up on "Mad Men."

I could be handsomer, I could be richer, I could be capable of dunking a tennis ball. The Knicks could be better. Life could be easier.

But all told, turning 40 is better than the alternative.

50 is going to suck though.

come on

I took Deion to the Yankee game last Tuesday as a 50th birthday present. It was my first time at the new stadium, and if I had to note one major difference between the old and the new, it would be: this one is cleaner. Otherwise, pretty much the same in terms of game watching.

But you wanna know how it stood up to idiotic chanting. Well, here is your answer, along with an idiotic photo montage at the end.

that same old place that you laughed about

One of the interesting things about having a HIATUS (i.e. Summers Off) is that each season begins to feel like a school year. This is my 4th year at this job, I've had 3 HIATII, and I still have a minimum of two years to go (including this one). I occasionally catch myself referring to my first year there as "freshman year." For real.

Everybody comes back to the office in August/September, engages in awkward "How was your summer?" small talk, and some creep always moves in for the traditional misplaced hug. Each season, we all talk about how this is the year we're going to make it better. How this is the year we're finally gonna get organized.

Well, there isn't a Trapper Keeper big enough to fool me into thinking it's gonna be easy. The road is rough and I'm going to get my ass kicked (already got a nice swift shot to the gut today) and the hours are going to be long. Our department, like umpires and aircraft maintenance workers, only gets noticed when we fuck up.

But I have hope -- or, rather, hopes -- for Senior Year. Things I'm gonna do better, things I'm going to enjoy more. Mistakes I hope to avoid and opportunities I hope to seize. In and outside of work. Here they are, in no particular order.

1. Drink iced coffee like usual.
2. Make bad puns at least three times a day.
3. Wear my new dark blue shirt that I got for like 15 bucks.
4. Manage expectations better. Mine and everybody else's.
5. Capture or kill Bin Laden (long shot).
6. Worry less, get upset less -- after all, there's nothing to worry or get upset about.
7. Eat a grand total of zero candy bars out of the candy bar jar that my colleague refills like every damn day. My estimated total from last season: 1,254 consumed.
8. No boozing in the office until 5pm, except on Fridays, when 3pm might just work OK.
9. Play basketball a minimum of 3 times a month, let Deion erotically apply my Icy Hot Back Patch when possible.
10. Communicate better. Or maybe not at all.
11. Improve enough at what I do that it gets a little easier and faster.
12. Anticipate and deal with the crappy stuff that I know is coming, instead of crossing my fingers and praying that it doesn't.
13. Treat everyone with the level of respect that they earn.
14. Relish the 4pm piss and everything it has come to symbolize.
15. Vow to not mention steroids again until 2010. Continue taking steroids, hope someone notices.
16. Read two books a month. Recent read I heartily recommend: "Wake Up, Sir!" by Jonathan Ames. Quite funny, with a screwed up hero you can't help but identify with. Unless you're not screwed up.
17. Begin planning the next move in my professional life. I feel like I am still on pawn to king 4.
18. Sweat to the Oldies when asked.
19. Perfect a smarmy combo wink-gunshot gesture to needlessly irritate co-workers.
20. Shoot some videos on my iPhone. Maybe one of me slapping you on the back of the neck for no reason.

Do you have goals for Senior Year?