out there havin' fun

So it's time for the first of maybe 2 or 3 West Coast-based posts for the xmas 2008 holiday season.

Out in California. Beautiful as hell.

That's actually the ugliest picture of the sunset that I could take. The others are so beautiful that they'd make you weep uncontrollably about the fact that you're not here with me, weeping. Controllably.

The kid loves it out here, the wife loves it out here.

You don't get to dance in fountains in NYC on December 27th. At least not that I can remember, and certainly not in upscale shopping malls featuring both a Cheesecake Factory AND a California Pizza Kitchen. No sir.

I played some ball in Laguna Beach today. It was exhausting, occasionally humiliating, and somehow completely satisfying. My wife stood on the beach taking photos from like 100 feet away. Would your wife do that? Keep an eye out for suspicious-looking drifters giving her the staredown.

Here's me getting taken to the hoop by this kid who turned out to be quite good.

Here's me switching out on big man and getting a rare steal.

Here's me looking intense but actually just fucking spent.

Here's me afterwards, quenching my thirst the only way I know how and reflecting on our 21-16 loss.

I could have done more. We all could have. But in the end, our biggest mistake was giving the ball to the Bearded Mountain Man too often. I believe sharing the ball increases the love and makes the world a better place, but at some point a man's got to be accountable for mishandling every pass and generally screwing the game away. Oh Mountain Man, I forgive you.

Time has not hindered my ability to enjoy Gatorade one bit.

My wife's parents are retired, but they keep very busy. Lots of social plans, tons of errands to run, gardening to do, hikes to embark on, etc. I am very impressed by how much they're getting out of retired life. In my head I always thought about retirement as a chance to finally be a bum and not feel guilty about it. I even have an image of retirement in my head: it's me, grinning broadly with both hands behind my head, leaning back in my chaise lounge as empty cans of PBR mysteriously stack up alongside me.

Sitting around, boolcheating with pals, maybe playing some catch. Going to the movies. Thinking about stuff that amuses me. Blogging about the way things used to be. Basically what I am doing right now. I am in pre-retirement.

When you are retired like me, you have lots of time to think about useless stuff. Here's some of what's been going through my head as I breeze through my California days.

1) Charles Oakley.

I just saw something on MSG where Knicks fans voted him one of the starting forwards on their all-time Knicks team. I think the average fan loved Oakley for: his toughness, his hustle, his defense, his rebounding, the way he maximized his limited physical ability, his hilarious quotes, and his genuine willingness to mix it up if somebody started something. All valid points. I get it. However, I was never really a fan. I couldn't get past: his outlet passes into the blue seats, his complete lack of an offensive post game, his constant whining on and off the court, his occasional dirtiness, his carelessness with the ball (whether it was minute 1 or minute 48 made no difference to Oak), and the way his poor athleticism cost him when it came to finishing around the hoop. (Remember how many times you'd see him leap horizontally toward the basket, desperate to draw contact rather than going up strong?)

At the same time, when Oak would put up one of those 20 rebound, sweat-soaked, I own this backboard tour de force performances in a huge game, I'd be right there singing his praises. Now I realize I judged him unfairly. You can't have it both ways, Bungle. Nobody's perfect, but Oakley's hard work and generally efficient play deserved more respect than I gave it. It's ten years too late, but I now embrace the Oak-man and support his inclusion on the all-time Knicks team. Sure, Bernard shined brighter, but only for like three years. What this really makes me aware of is just what a pitiful franchise the Knicks have been. Charles Oakley is one of their two all-time best forwards. They haven't won a championship in 35 years, despite playing in the center of the basketball universe. Come save us, LeBron.

2) Peeing.

I always savor my midday pee at work, mostly because it is a chance to get away from the stress and have a solid minute to clear my head. But I realized something else: that midday pee is usually your first opportunity to see your penis since you tucked it away that morning. Hey penis, whats up? Everything cool down there? Good. Take your time, man. No rush. You all done? You sure? OK. Can I get you anything? No? You're all set? OK man, see you later. Let me know if you need a hand with anything. That bonding time is important.

3) The Yankees' offseason.

Just absolutely shameful. It's not just a giant illustration of how unfair baseball is (although this is a great take that kind of proves the opposite), it's a reminder of how completely unfair the universe is. You have all the cards? Great for you, enjoy yourself. Life is shitty? It's gonna get shittier!

I know I say it all the time, I know it angers some people, but I may have to take on a new team. Although the spending might be justifiable if it ends up creating misery in Boston...

4) Personal satisfaction.

As much as it is important to ceaselessly whine about every little thing that fails to go your way when things are tough, it is also important to revel in your own happiness and triumph when life smiles on you. That is how I feel right now, lucky to be alive and warm and active and bathed in sunshine.