10 thoughts in 23 minutes

1) I think Ken Griffey, Jr.-Mickey Mantle is an interesting comparison. What other players have hit 500+ home runs and can be considered disappointments? Plus, why do we need a comma before "Jr."?
2) I keep meaning to watch the World Cup but not getting around to it. What channel is it on?
3) I watched some of Louis CK's show on HBO and it made me thoroughly uncomfortable. I guess for some people that passes for entertainment. I'm not saying it was bad; it was kinda funny. But between Larry David and him I get poopy tummy from the stress.
4) Finally saw the Monkeyweb Baby today. He's real cute. Reserved, but clearly intelligent. Like he's waiting for the right time to say something. He doesn't look like these guys.
5) Early results are in, and 1990-era Tim Hardaway was something to behold. Unreal how explosive he was.
6) Everyone's making fun of Pat Riley's dancing, but I'm like, I wish I had those moves. I think he's like a 7.5 out of 10. Rank him against other 61 year-old white males dropped into that situation, and he's like a 9.994.
7) Rainy weekends make Sunday Night Anxiety like 53% more debilitating.
8) I vow to play basketball at least 5 times before summer's out.
9) I'm going to the Hamptons in a couple of weeks, and I will act like I am rich the whole time. Because I am rich in some symbolic ways. For instance, I have a healthy family and a decent home, and 2 pairs of Air Huarache basketball shoes. But rich as I am, I'm also scared: I may have to take my shirt off in front of other people out there, which for me is about as exciting as being clubbed to death. Any ideas for swimwear? Maybe one of these?
10) For 19 points, what color shirt am I wearing to work on Monday?

Bonus: This Date in Verbungle History

6/26/03:

I remember reading the book "Heaven is a Playground" a few years back. It was a great book, by Rick Telander, written around 1975 or so. He spent a summer at Foster Park in Brooklyn, the only white guy playing basketball with a bunch of young black kids -- absorbing their language, their culture and, to some extent, their struggles. Through his experiences, we learn what drives these kids, what they think is cool, what they think is weak, and what they think being a real man is all about. I recall thinking, wow, what a fucked up system of values these poor kids have. By observing the life in their neighborhood, the kids create heroes for themselves, heroes whose worth is measured by a specific set of criteria. What makes a man a man, to these young dreamers?

-how good he is at sports, specifically basketball
-how many chicks he has screwed/can screw
-how much alcohol/drugs he can take
-how nice his clothes and/or car are

I remember shaking my head at this pathetic list, wondering how these kids are ever going to learn what constitutes real success in life, and how they are ever going to escape the ghetto, with its chronic cycle of sadness and failure. The answer is, they never will, until they add penis size to their list.

Speaking of lists, I am giving front page respect to my half-assed list of spam emails I have received recently. It's not that funny, really, although some of these subject lines are just so desperate it makes me feel sorry for the advertiser and their target audience. For instance, who exactly are you trying to reach with the subject line "Whore in Big Trouble"? I can picture some lonely palooka who's been masturbating furiously for like 16 hours, and then he comes across "Whore in Big Trouble" and immediately starts fantasizing about how he is going to rescue this poor, beautiful misguided prostitute from her sad life, and how she will run away with him like Patricia Arquette ran away with Christian Slater in "True Romance." It's pretty cruel, actually. Or maybe they're just looking for guys who like porn.