the same, but somehow worse
This post was scheduled to appear yesterday but halfway through I passed out on the couch under a thin blanket of Gatorade. So please imagine you're reading it yesterday. If it helps, you might want to put on yesterday's pants while you read it. If you have part of yesterday's sandwich in the fridge, you may get it out and start eating it now. Thank you.
Today is Segue Day. The day basketball bounce-passes the keys to our attention over to baseball. We'll watch some NBA playoff games, but from here on out our first hopeful remote control button press when we get home from work will be the button for our baseball team.
The NCAA final was sort of entertaining, lots of nice dunks. Not a very close game, but OK. Congratulations to li'l Joey Monkeyweb for a strong 2nd place finish in our office pool. He should be selling his picking secrets on the internets.
I only watched about a third of the game, but in that time I was able to get one full dose of Billy Packer-induced irritation. He was basically puking up a tsunami of cliches. I am not going to address them all, but there was one he used that always pisses me off. It's the one where they talk about how a good shot blocker always blocks the ball and keeps it inbounds, preferably steering the loose ball to a teammate in the process. Bill Russell's name is always invoked as the undisputed master of this skill. Packer was spewing his crap about this and Nantz was agreeing, even going so far as to say blocking a shot and sending it out of bounds accomplishes nothing.
The problem is that it's all just a bunch of bullshit. Had Billy Packer ever blocked a shot in his life, he'd know that:
-blocking shots is hard. Most of the time when you block one, it's pretty difficult to steer it in any particular direction. Sure, if that opportunity presents itself, a guy just lobs up a lollipop and you have a teammate open who you can bat it to, great. That's like 1 out of every 600 blocked shots.
-by blocking the ball out of bounds, you are actually doing at least 4 good things: allowing your teammates to regroup, forcing your opponent to reinitiate their offense, forcing them to inbound under the basket, and sending them a message that weak shit is not allowed in your casa.
-conversely, by keeping the ball inbounds, as Packer and every other lamebrained announcer suggests you should do EVERY DAMN TIME, you are potentially going to bat the ball to an opponent who is in a position to score.
-Bill Russell, bless his heart, played against a bunch of dumpy guys with names like Leonard and Dolph and Mickey and Nate. If indeed he was able to execute this move with regularity, his anemic competition is the main reason why. He would have difficulty, I wager, pulling it off against Shaq.
Pic courtesy BJL
Warning: the following may be considered my annual case of Yankee-fan guilt settling in.
From the NCAA's I flipped it over to Game 1 of the Yankee season. As I looked around the field (figuratively, I couldn't actually see the whole field), I started to realize what an awful bunch of assholes the Yankees have assembled once again this year. I mean, they're mostly the same assholes as last year, but somehow they've become a little worse.
Hard to believe, but Giambi and Sheffield are even guiltier lying cheaters than they were last year. A-Rod is as phony as insufferable as ever, maybe moreso because he has another failed postseason to answer for. For no reason, I think Cano is probably a douchey guy. We've learned that Randy Johnson has a Little Unit wandering around out there and he refuses to support this Unit. Hearing Michael Kay explain Moneyball is a pleasure on par with having one's testicles deep-fried while they are still attached. Posada is even more grouchy and joyless than last season. Larry Bowa is the only bench coach in the league who can destroy a locker room with his poisonous personality.
I do like: Jeter, Mariano, Pornfreak Matsui, Creaky Ol' Bernabe Williams, and Joe Torre. And the fact that Kyle Farnsworth's first page of google image hits shows him beating the shit out of two guys, tapping a beer and participating in an art exhibit earns him a place in our heart right out of the gate.
Whatever.
For ten points, no googling please, what product was advertised in the racist TV commercial that featured the line, "Ancient Chinese Secret"? Roger Clemens probably knows this one, so he is hereby ineligible.
For three points each, tell me who da man. 1 man per person.
Today is Segue Day. The day basketball bounce-passes the keys to our attention over to baseball. We'll watch some NBA playoff games, but from here on out our first hopeful remote control button press when we get home from work will be the button for our baseball team.
The NCAA final was sort of entertaining, lots of nice dunks. Not a very close game, but OK. Congratulations to li'l Joey Monkeyweb for a strong 2nd place finish in our office pool. He should be selling his picking secrets on the internets.
I only watched about a third of the game, but in that time I was able to get one full dose of Billy Packer-induced irritation. He was basically puking up a tsunami of cliches. I am not going to address them all, but there was one he used that always pisses me off. It's the one where they talk about how a good shot blocker always blocks the ball and keeps it inbounds, preferably steering the loose ball to a teammate in the process. Bill Russell's name is always invoked as the undisputed master of this skill. Packer was spewing his crap about this and Nantz was agreeing, even going so far as to say blocking a shot and sending it out of bounds accomplishes nothing.
The problem is that it's all just a bunch of bullshit. Had Billy Packer ever blocked a shot in his life, he'd know that:
-blocking shots is hard. Most of the time when you block one, it's pretty difficult to steer it in any particular direction. Sure, if that opportunity presents itself, a guy just lobs up a lollipop and you have a teammate open who you can bat it to, great. That's like 1 out of every 600 blocked shots.
-by blocking the ball out of bounds, you are actually doing at least 4 good things: allowing your teammates to regroup, forcing your opponent to reinitiate their offense, forcing them to inbound under the basket, and sending them a message that weak shit is not allowed in your casa.
-conversely, by keeping the ball inbounds, as Packer and every other lamebrained announcer suggests you should do EVERY DAMN TIME, you are potentially going to bat the ball to an opponent who is in a position to score.
-Bill Russell, bless his heart, played against a bunch of dumpy guys with names like Leonard and Dolph and Mickey and Nate. If indeed he was able to execute this move with regularity, his anemic competition is the main reason why. He would have difficulty, I wager, pulling it off against Shaq.
Pic courtesy BJLFrom the NCAA's I flipped it over to Game 1 of the Yankee season. As I looked around the field (figuratively, I couldn't actually see the whole field), I started to realize what an awful bunch of assholes the Yankees have assembled once again this year. I mean, they're mostly the same assholes as last year, but somehow they've become a little worse.
Hard to believe, but Giambi and Sheffield are even guiltier lying cheaters than they were last year. A-Rod is as phony as insufferable as ever, maybe moreso because he has another failed postseason to answer for. For no reason, I think Cano is probably a douchey guy. We've learned that Randy Johnson has a Little Unit wandering around out there and he refuses to support this Unit. Hearing Michael Kay explain Moneyball is a pleasure on par with having one's testicles deep-fried while they are still attached. Posada is even more grouchy and joyless than last season. Larry Bowa is the only bench coach in the league who can destroy a locker room with his poisonous personality.
I do like: Jeter, Mariano, Pornfreak Matsui, Creaky Ol' Bernabe Williams, and Joe Torre. And the fact that Kyle Farnsworth's first page of google image hits shows him beating the shit out of two guys, tapping a beer and participating in an art exhibit earns him a place in our heart right out of the gate.
Whatever.
For ten points, no googling please, what product was advertised in the racist TV commercial that featured the line, "Ancient Chinese Secret"? Roger Clemens probably knows this one, so he is hereby ineligible.
For three points each, tell me who da man. 1 man per person.
posted by hans q. bungle at 00:50
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